Listen ladies, we all have our insecurities. Even me, the person about to give you my thoughts on self-love. But the important thing is that you learn to love yourself NOW, not tomorrow, not someday. I spent my entire life feeling bad about myself, and it wasn’t until a few years ago that I saw the light and became the best version of me, and that was the me that loved herself. So I wanted to share my personal tips on becoming a more confident, self-loving version of yourself – because you deserve it!
Change your attitude on a larger scale. If you are negative in areas of your life, that is sure to bleed into the way you feel about yourself. I am a strong believer in the power of positivity and what it can give you. It wasn’t until I changed my mindset on a larger scale that I became more confident in myself and my body. If you need a boost in this area, I highly recommend the book You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero. She has an entire chapter about self-love, and it’s great!
Recognize that weight is literally just a number. Once I recognized that weight was a total superficial thing like the value of money, it really helped me stop caring about the number itself. I remember five years ago SIGNIFICANLY lying on my driver’s license because I was so ashamed. I lied about my weight on almost everything - except ski rentals, I did NOT want those bad boys calibrated incorrectly. But really, does it matter? I weigh 195 pounds, and though I don’t wear it on my forehead, to me it’s not something I try and hide, it’s not a taboo thing like my SAT score (which I also wouldn’t mind telling you, but I don’t even know it anymore ha). It doesn’t define me. And you know why? Because I actually weigh 235 pounds. But did your opinion of me magically change due to the change in number? I certainly hope not. I don’t even own a scale, so even that could be more now. But who really cares? It doesn’t change the person standing in front of you right now, so enjoy her.
Ditch toxic relationships. This could be a significant other, a family member, or a friend. It’s time for you to be a little bit selfish and do what’s best for you. If someone if making you feel badly about yourself, determine the underlying issue and it could very well be time to cut the fat, and I don’t mean on your body. I was once in a relationship where my boyfriend never directly said anything negative to me about my appearance, but he never once in the duration of our relationship told me I was beautiful or that I looked nice. Not once. EVER. I slowly gained some weight during our relationship and it became known to me that he wished I was smaller. We lived happily ever after…. NOT. I ditched his ass and the next man I dated made me feel like the freaking goddess I was. My only regret is that I put up with it for as long as I did. Find someone who makes you feel great naked! ;-) Who you surround yourself with is who you will become, so choose wisely!
Eliminate when/then thinking. This statement is true for all aspects of your life, but definitely when it comes to your self-worth. I was the QUEEN of telling myself “when I lose weight, I will do X” or “when I lose weight, I will be much happier” GUUUUUURL, stop it! Right now! Life is too short to have that mentality, live in the now, because who knows how long you’ll have it. If you are guilty of this mentality, I challenge you to go out and do something on your when/then list in May.
Cut the jokes. I’m going to take this directly from You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero, because that’s where it really clicked for me: “Incessant, self-deprecating humor is for losers. I get it - it can be hilariously funny and I’m totally guilty of it from time to time and there’s nobody I’d more enjoy backing over with my car than the guy who can’t laugh at himself, but I’m talking about the non-stop, self-flagellating, I Suckfest. Ripping on yourself gets old. Fast. Especially if it’s your shtick. So if you’re on of those people who falls back on making fun of yourself, every hour on the hour, not only are you basically begging people to think you’re a loser, but you’re begging yourself to think you’re a loser. It’s like hitting yourself over and over with a crowbar. Why on early would you do that to your awesome self? What you tell yourself on a daily basis is more powerful than you know. Seemingly harmless jokes, over time, turn into seriously destructive beliefs. Our thoughts become our words, our words become our beliefs, our beliefs become our actions, our actions because our habits, and our habits become our realities. So if your favorite joke if that you couldn’t get a date if you demanded one at gunpoint, and you spend every Saturday night alone, perhaps you could come up with a new one-liner. And most importantly, constant making fun of yourself is such a cheap way to be funny. Anyone can do it. So push yourself to come up with a new script. Your confidence, and we humor snobs, will thank you.
Recognize that confidence fluctuates. If one week you are feeling great about yourself and the next week you are feeling blah, recognize that the changes in your mood about yourself are just mental. Your body and your appearance have not altered dramatically over the past few days/week, so acknowledge that and then move on. I have days where I get ready to shoot and I am SO not feeling it. I feel bloaty, my makeup sucks, and overall, it’s just not working. However, I know that the feeling is temporary and try to look past it.
Fun ideas to treat yourself:
Have a spa night. Once a week or so, I set aside a night once my daughter is in bed to really pamper myself, and it’s become one of my favorite nights of the week. I take a long shower, finally shave my legs, pluck my eyebrows, wax the stache, paint my nails, all that fun stuff. It’s a great way to de-stress and makes me feel put together and confident.
Get a tan. This sounds a little vain, but I feel SO SO SO much better when I have a tan. I get a spray tan every week or so and consistently feeling like a bronze goddess has done wonders for my confidence. Due to the tanning industry really taking a hit over the years, I have found that spray tans are a lot more affordable now than they were two or three years ago. I used to pay $35 for a spray tan for special occasions and now I pay $11, so going 3 or 4 times a month and adding that to my budget is completely worth it to me. (Local Ladies: $11 is at Italian Tan in Blaine, please go so they don’t go out of business at that low of a price haha)
Hope you all enjoyed! Have a fabulous week and show of your awesome self!