5 Things I'm Afraid To Tell You

Alright ladies, here it is. I was inspired by a recent Jenna Kutcher podcast where she spilled ten things she’s afraid to tell her audience. I really enjoyed her raw honestly with her audience and it inspired me to open up a little bit more with you all. I hope you can find something relatable in my five things I’m afraid to tell you. Without further ado…. five things I am afraid to tell you.

1. I am burnt out. SO. BURNT. OUT. When I decided to launch Curvig a little over a year ago, I had NO IDEA how much momentum it would gain. I was completely unsure how my customers would react to the change and was totally prepared to crash and burn, but I was pleasantly surprised by an amazing community that was born and every day I am so in awe with what has come from my leap of faith. But honestly, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows. It’s actually mostly a storm of stress, uncertainty, overwhelm, and defeat. I daydream about going back to the corporate world at least once a week – sometimes every day if I’m being honest. There is always a to-do list a mile long, always messages in my inbox that need answering, and ALWAYS boxes showing up at my doorstep that need unpacking. I swear, whenever I get caught up on processing inventory, UPS gets notified and drops off 5 more boxes within 30 minutes like a pizza delivery promise. My social life is in the toilet: there are at least three people in my phone right now who are awaiting a reply to a text message from days ago. I literally work almost every waking hour that I do not have Alivia, and if I’m being honest (that’s what this is about, right?), when I do have Alivia I often wish I was working. I have been telling myself “this is just a phase of life, it will get better” for months, but I’m still here in this rut. And the worst part is, I 100% know that I am doing this to myself. I have been wanting to hire a regular sidekick for months, by I am SUCH A CONTROL FREAK and the thought of handing over any piece of my baby requires a paper bag to avoid hyperventilating. My goal for 2019 is to re-gain control of my life and find better balance so I can live happily ever after. With all that being said, you all are the sunshine and rainbow following the storm. I’m not kidding, almost every time I am literally about to lose my mind and throw in the towel, one of you post an amazing picture of yourself with amazing story about finding confidence or send me a message of gratitude and it fuels my fire and reminds me of my purpose. You all have no idea how much your positive feedback does for this company – without it I would have most definitely quit by now. Thank you for continuously reminding me why I do what I do.

2. I joined Weight Watchers. Remember when I made that post that was all “business ownership has me forgetting to eat and I’ve lost a little weight” - yeah, that was a lie. My weight loss journey was an intentional lifestyle change that I was TERRIFIED to tell you all about because at quick glance, it seems counter-intuitive to the company I have created. Like seriously, the fear of you all hating me because this body-positive business owner is on a diet has consumed my mind and literally kept me up at night for months. But the thing is, I decided to change my lifestyle BECAUSE I have literally never been so content and happy in my body, and I wanted to treat it like the temple it is - LOL that sounds so cheesy, but you get the picture. I even took boudoir-esk photos to celebrate my body before I started because I didn’t ever want to lose that love I had with my body. But when it came down to it, I felt like garbage and barely had enough energy to run my company, let alone play with my daughter - so I decided to start join Weight Watchers in hopes of bettering my life both mentally and physically. I lost 45 pounds and found my love for hiking, which in turn grew my relationship with God closer than it has ever been, both things I am forever grateful for.

3. I don’t “enjoy” motherhood. Ouch, that hurts to type a little bit, but THERE, I SAID IT! First and foremost, Alivia is the light of my life and has made me into such an amazing woman. And frankly, I know I’m a kick ass mom. But I feel like most moms out there are all “this is my favorite job, this is what I was meant to do” and I honestly don’t really feel that way. I often find myself excited for my kid-free days because it means I can focus on what I’m good at - working. And work doesn’t talk back, amiright? I struggle to play with Alivia for more than 15 minutes without getting bored or frustrated. I feel like this is a combination of my overall personality, the fact that I am a single mom, and the stage of life we are currently in. I have two sisters who are both teachers and obviously love kids, but my personality is so different from theirs when it comes to kids. I used to feel like such a bad mom that I didn’t want to jump in and play like they did, I couldn’t even bring myself to pretend. Until one day I went to a conference and the woman speaking described her mom life as very similar to mine, and it really helped me accept who I am and not feel guilty about it – that not every mom is “that mom”. It also doesn’t help that when I am running this motherhood show, I am running it alone. I thank God every day that Alivia got such an amazing daddy to help raise her, but being on 100% of the time when I do have Alivia is exhausting. By the end of our weekends together I am counting down the hours until bedtime so I can wake up and take her to preschool. Even when me and her dad were together, it was never a healthy relationship, so I do wonder what it will be like in the future when I do find that partner I’ve been looking for. And finally, Alivia is three – for the moms out there reading this, that was ‘nuff said. At this stage in life, I feel like I am babysitting a bomb and trying my best to make sure it doesn’t detonate, and that’s just not very fulfilling to me. I can’t wait until Alivia is a bit older and we can really experience life together instead of making sure she doesn’t stick a metal knife in an electric plug – ya feel me?

4. I’m debt-free. Two years ago, a business woman I really admired posted a video about her journey to become financially free, and it was so incredibly inspiring. She introduced me Dave Ramsey and his Financial Peace University course and in February 2017, I hit the ground running on my journey to becoming debt-free. I threw every spare dime at debt and started moonlighting as a DoorDash delivery driver - I even delivered food to a customer’s house once! In March 2018, I made my last payment on the $28,000 of debt I had started out with and my life and relationship with money is now completely changed. This is something I’ve always been hesitant to share with my customers because the subject of money is so taboo in our society, especially with the people who allow me to do what I do and have my own business, but it’s something that has completely changed my life. If I can inspire someone else, then it’s 100% worth it. I run a debt-free household and a debt-free business and will never go back!

5. I’m a minimalist. If you were to come to my house, one of the first things you’d probably notice is the lack of things. In an effort to combat my anxiety, last year I packed up 75% of my belongings into moving boxes and put them in my closet as a challenge to myself to see how little I could live off. I’m talking “let’s only keep 6 cups” kind of intense. After 6 months, the boxes went untouched and I donated them without even opening them back up. While my closet is probably the most un-minimal part of my household (especially this past fall season - I kept a LOT of the fall line 😂), I find that the less stuff I have, the more clearly mind is. My mom calls me Megan The Minimalist and thinks I’m crazy when I donate a perfectly good baking pan because I haven’t used it in three months. I’m currently in the process of saving for my dream home - a custom-built, 700 sq. ft. cottage in the woods! Love grows best in little houses, right?! Just as long as it has a big enough closet.

There you have it, folks! Thanks for being my stand-in therapist while I try and find someone local. In all seriousness, I hope you enjoyed this super vulnerable post that was a bit daunting to write, and if anything learned something new and interesting about myself! Do you have something you’re afraid to tell people? Comment below!